By Scott Lowe
Ever been in a role where you’re clearly the leader—but someone else is acting like they are?
I had a conversation today with a client who’s the hired lead chef in a kitchen. Passionate, capable, ready to lead. The only problem? Another employee, one the boss was supposed to let go, is still around—still loud, still controlling, and stepping into roles that aren’t theirs. It’s causing tension, confusion, and unnecessary chaos for the team.
Sound familiar?
Whether you’re in a kitchen, an office, or any team environment, these kinds of dynamics can wear you down—especially when the person who should be leading (your boss or director) hasn’t stepped in to resolve it.
If you’re in this kind of situation, here’s something important to remember: you don’t have to sit in silence and stew.You can lead—even when leadership around you is lacking.
And it starts with one crucial step: a direct, respectful conversation with your boss.
Four Ways to Have a Clear Conversation with Your Boss When Boundaries Are Being Crossed
1. Be Clear About the Problem, Not Just the Emotion
It’s easy to come in hot when you’re frustrated. But clarity will get you farther than venting. Frame the conversation around specific behaviors and outcomes, not just how it’s making you feel.
Try saying:
“I want to share something that’s impacting my ability to lead the team well. [Employee] is regularly stepping into decisions that are part of my role as lead chef, like directing staff and making menu changes. This has created confusion and tension in the kitchen.”
2. Reaffirm Your Role and Your Commitment to It
This reminds your boss of why you were hired and what you’re trying to accomplish.
“I’m committed to creating a strong, healthy kitchen culture, and I want to lead well. But I need clarity and support around the authority of my role in order to do that.”
3. Ask Directly for Resolution or Clarity
Invite your boss to take action—or at least to clarify what they see as the current roles.
“Can we clarify what role [Employee] is supposed to have at this point? I need to know what decisions are mine to make, and whether I can count on support when boundaries are crossed.”
4. Offer a Solution—And Ask for Their Support
You’re not just pointing out a problem—you’re showing you’re ready to lead through it.
“I’m happy to have a clarifying conversation with [Employee], but I need to know I have your backing. Can we create a plan together for how to move forward so we’re all on the same page?”
Final Thought: Don’t Let Silence Sabotage Your Leadership
When people overstep and leaders don’t speak up, the loudest voice wins. But leadership isn’t about volume—it’s about clarity, integrity, and courage. You may not control how others behave, but you can choose how you show up.
If you’re facing something like this right now, remember: you were hired for a reason. You don’t need to compete for a role you already have. But you do need to advocate for the boundaries that make healthy leadership possible.
And when you do? You don’t just make things better for yourself—you create space for the whole team to thrive.
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