Most leaders I know aren’t lacking strategy. They’re not short on ideas. In fact, they’re often visionaries—dreaming big, casting compelling pictures of what could be, whether in business, church, nonprofits, or creative ventures.
But I’ve noticed something important—and a little troubling.
While many leaders can articulate what they want to build, fewer have clarity on who they are as they’re building it. Their ideas often outpace their identity, mental health, and SELF-AWARENESS. And that disconnect can lead to all kinds of consequences. And as Ice Cube once said: “You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.”
Burnout. Strained relationships. Becoming overly demanding—or even manipulative. When we don’t know ourselves, we start to treat people as objects to get things done rather than as partners to build with. The temptation becomes real to justify any means to accomplish a mission. “If I build the thing—church, business, nonprofit—doesn’t that prove I did it right?”
But I don’t believe that.
I believe the how is just as important as the what. When leaders are grounded in who they are—when they know their values, their limitations, their gifts and blind spots—then they lead with integrity. When their relationships are healthy, when they fight for margin, when they prioritize self-care, they build something stronger and more sustainable. The work is better because they are better.
It’s like the old adage on the airplane: put on your oxygen mask first. If you’re gasping for air, you’re no good to the people around you—or the thing you’re trying to build.
This became very real for me years ago when I was leading a church.
The role was pulling me in every direction—preaching, teaching, counseling, leading staff, navigating a building purchase and payoff, fundraising, budgeting—you name it. But beyond the core responsibilities, I somehow convinced myself I had to do everything. I stretched myself too thin, doing jobs I wasn’t wired for and wasn’t meant to carry alone. It slowly wore me down.
I’ll never forget a moment with our youth director—an incredible guy I’d hired and was truly grateful to have on the team. But in my mind, I figured, “He’s doing great—I’ll just let him do his thing.” What I didn’t realize is that I never really made space to connect with him personally. One day, he graciously came to me and said, “Can we talk?” He opened up about feeling disconnected.
That moment hit me hard. Here I was trying to create an organization that was all about mercy, mission, and spiritual formation—yet I had a team member who didn’t feel seen.
And it wasn’t just my team. I’d come home at night to my amazing family, and I had no emotional capacity left. I could hear words being spoken, but they were just floating past me—I wasn’t really there. My wife and kids were kind and supportive, but deep down I knew I wasn’t okay. Something had to change.
Eventually, I went on sabbatical. It took nearly three weeks just to start to unwind. But that time forced me to ask some hard questions: What am I really good at? What do others see in me? Where am I just white-knuckling it?
That journey was a turning point. Six years after stepping down from that role, now in a new career, I can say my mental health has grown, and I continue to do the inner work. There’s still much to uncover.
So if you’re a leader who resonates with this—if you’ve found yourself moving faster than your soul can handle, trying to build something beautiful while feeling worn thin—pause here.
Take a breath. Then take a moment to reflect.
Not as a checklist. Not as another thing to accomplish. But as an invitation to return to yourself.
Here are seven questions to help you lead from a place of identity, wholeness, and strength:
🔍 Self-Awareness & Identity
- Where am I finding my sense of worth right now—who I am, or what I achieve?
(Is my identity rooted in being, or in doing?) - What am I avoiding by staying busy?
(Are there conversations, emotions, or truths I don’t want to face?)
🧭 Relational Health
- Who in my life feels unseen or undervalued by me right now?
(What relationships need more presence, more attention, or repair?) - If I asked the people closest to me how I’m really doing, what would they say?
(And do I have the courage to ask them?)
🛠️ Leadership Practice
- Am I creating space for others to thrive—or am I unintentionally crowding them out?
(How am I empowering my team, family, or community?) - What is one responsibility I need to delegate—or release—so I can lead from a place of health?
(Am I hoarding roles because of fear, control, or insecurity?)
🌿 Sustainability
- What practices help me return to myself?
(What rhythms, relationships, or spiritual practices ground me in who I am—apart from what I do?)
If you’re a leader feeling the tension between the life you’re building and the person you’re becoming, don’t ignore it.
The most powerful thing you can offer the world is not your strategy, your platform, or your productivity.
It’s a whole, grounded, fully alive you.
scott-lowe.com 
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